Jan 12 2022

Cheers, my dear! Advice for the perfect wedding toast.

12/01/2022 | Comments: 0 | Posted by: filmworks | In: highlights, Uncategorized

A MOB (Mother of the Bride) was asking lots of questions about wedding toasts on a phone consult recently. “Who gives the speeches? How long should they be? Where should they be in the timeline?” We chatted about all things wedding toast-y and then she said “You should blog about this! It would be so helpful.” Well, I love to help, and for my own, somewhat selfish wedding filmmaker needs, here goes. Wedding Speech tips and tricks!

We begin with a recent wedding highlight. Danielle and Neel had a gorgeous wedding at the Ritz-Carlton Dove Mountain last fall. Each one of the speeches helped to tell the story of D+N, and you can tell they were thought out, well written and sincerely given. Danielle and Neel met in a Hip-hop dance class, and between their EPIC first dance and celebratory fireworks, this wedding film had A LOT going for it. I still think the toasts (and the vows) are the stars.

Here are a few ideas on choosing “toasters”, writing and giving a great wedding speech.

-To the Happy Couple: ASK who in your wedding party wants to give a speech. It doesn’t have to be the Best Man and the Maid of Honor. Some people are great writers AND public speakers, some are neither…you know these people well, they have been there through ALL the times. Reach out and you will find someone ready, willing and able to create and deliver that funny, kind, poignant toast.

-To the “Toasters”– Keep it tight. Your speech should be five minutes or less. People only listen to the first two minutes and the last two minutes, so make those count. You have a minute in the middle to tell us how drunk you all used to get in college, which is fine because no one is listening at that point. Open with something funny and close with something sweet.

–Try to memorize as much of the speech as you can, but please use NOTECARDS!!! No iPhones, no iPads, no shaky pieces of white paper that get out of order and then fall to the floor. If I had my way, we would have a podium with a microphone so that all ‘toasters’ had to stay in one place. You know, where I have set up good lighting, a great background, everyone can see and hear you? That’s what they do in the UK, and I have to say “Rule Brittania!”

-Stay in one place. Remember my podium idea? This is why! Women never pace, they stay still, probably because of high heels and the risk of falling. But you guys, wow, do some of you like to move! I get it, those rented tux shoes hurt and you’re nervous. Practicing your speech, notecards, and maybe drinking just enough to get you through it are keys to quelling the anxiety.

-“For those of you who don’t know me” Please do not say this. Introduce yourself, and tell us your relationship to the newlyweds. “Hi everyone, I’m Stepheny, and I have been the light of Dennis’s life since he was born, or maybe just a source of tween embarrassment when I told him that performing “The Robot” at his first middle school dance would make him incredibly popular-it did not.”

-Inside jokes:Not today, Satan! They are ‘inside’ jokes for a reason. Only a select few will understand, and find it funny. Everyone is listening, so make sure to include them.

-Be original! Don’t google wedding speeches, and use them verbatim. There are a few cringe-worthy toasts that make the rounds, and I die a little inside every time I am witness to them. “Groom, place your hand on top of the Bride’s hand. There you have it folks, that’s the last time he will ever have the upper hand.” No, just please no. I’m not giving more examples, but please, be sincere, be succinct and be YOU.

-You might get choked up, and that’s okay. Take a breath, clench your butt cheeks (seriously, this will dry up the tears, it gives your body something else to focus on for a second, so you can pull it together) and keep going. You’ve got this!

-This is for the Dads/Parents out there. Please don’t mention where everyone is from. Thank them for coming, and if you have a particularly exotic location, like the Space Station, go ahead and give a shout-out. Don’t list all of your child’s accomplishments, unless it figures in directly with how the happy couple met, or fell in love. That university soccer championship, or that JD from Yale is not why everyone is celebrating. Tell them something they don’t know, and resist the slide show with commentary.

-Toasts and Speeches should happen pre and post the wedding meal. Have a welcome toast just before eating (parents and/or newlyweds) and the rest after. We try to get reaction shots during the toasts, and obviously we cannot when people are putting food into their faces. Yikes.

-Hold the microphone just under your chin. They are not meant to work from your waist, and definitely not from below there. Enough said. On and speaking of microphones, NO OPEN MICS!!!!!!! People who shouldn’t be speaking will, and vice-versa. It also eats up valuable dancing, drinking and mingling time.

-Every speech should have a beginning, a middle and an end. Take us on a journey. Open with a laugh and end with a few joyful tears. The happy couple will thank you, as will a very happy filmmaker.

Listen to this wedding highlight for some of the best speeches ever, and great vows too! I might be a bit biased, as this is my younger brother Chad’s wedding to his ahhmazing husband Michael, but the bar was set HIGH for these “toasters”. Chad’s niece (my daughter Alexa, who is a great writer, performer, and may have heard a toast or two from the time she was In Utero) starts us off strong, and Lori bookends the finish as they both speak about these amazing souls who, even when the table, or the chapel in this case, is full, there is always room for more good, kind-hearted people.

We laughed, we cried, we danced the night away, and we captured it all, in sight and sound. This is what I do, lucky me!!

Wedding Toasts: with a little help from your cool, new bffs.

15/01/2017 | Comments: 0 | Posted by: filmworks | In: wedding thoughts

People Are Paying These Women To Write Their Wedding Toasts

I am asked A LOT about wedding toasts…How long should they be?(Under five minutes) Should my toast be funny? (Sure, but no inside jokes) May I walk around while I toast? (Please don’t…”Walkers” get cut from the film). A Black Sheep Filmworks‘ wedding film relies heavily on audio, especially speeches, vows and even pre-wedding interviews. So it’s very important that your toasts are top notch, as you will be listening to them for years to come. Speech Tank to the rescue!!! Read on to see how to make your best man and bridesmaid speeches “drop the mic” worthy. And no, you should not begin with “For those of you who don’t know me…” 😉 Many thanks to Rent the Runway’s blog The Shift for the following post!

First there was DIY. Then, came DIQ (Do It Quick). Last year, Abby Larsen, founder of StyleMePretty, a popular bridal inspiration site, pronounced DIQ as the new DIY (much to the relief of stressed out brides everywhere!) What’s next? We’re predicting 2017 will be the year of DWYW (Do What You Want) wedding planning.

With an explosion of affordable services and experts just a click or swipe away, you have the freedom to DIY all the fun stuff and leave the rest to the pros. Now, you can even outsource wedding speeches(!)

Enter Speech Tank, a Brooklyn-based speechwriting company founded by Marisa Polansky and Kristine Keller. The duo writes speeches for all occasions, but got their start helping anxious friends with maid-of-honor and best-man toasts.

By day, Marisa is a book editor at a major publishing house and Kristine is a writer and partnerships manager at a fashion non-profit. At night, they conduct interviews with clients turning their memories into mic-drop-worthy speeches. “We don’t hang up the phone until we feel we’ve got enough to work from,” says Kristine.

While some may find it controversial to outsource something so personal, any business that makes wedding prep smarter (and less stressful) has our attention. We caught up with Kristine and Marisa who revealed the “kiss of death” for wedding toasts, shared some of their speech-writing secrets, and told us about the ups and downs of side-hustle life. Read on.

How did you get the idea for Speechtank?

Marisa: Our friends came to us with so much anxiety about speeches they had to give, primarily at weddings. They are so capable and yet, they couldn’t come up with the idea. Working with us, they’d end up with this really personal speech. And after doing many, many, many of these for our friends we decided there’s a real market for this.

What kind of speeches do you guys write?

Marisa: Maid of honor or best man speeches… also [for] birthday parties, commencements and we’ve started doing eulogies, too.

Kristine: We’re not ruling anything out at this point.

It must be so interesting speaking to people at pivotal moments in their life. Is that what drew you to this business?

Kristine: Absolutely. That’s one of our favorite parts: listening to people’s stories. We love hearing about how people met or why someone is meaningful to them. We love to be that person to our friends, too – emphatetic, great listeners. We want to help you and make you feel confident.

Kristine, you worked as a trained field worker “mastering a method of questioning that helps people reveal their stories.” Can you share a secret for getting people to open up?

Kristine: Avoid generalizations. We try to get specific stories from people. Those are going to resonate way more. Also, never ask a yes or no question because it ends there.

Marisa, by day, you’re a book editor. How is editing a book similar or different than editing a speech?

Marisa: Authors are used to being edited, whereas someone who comes to us to write a speech isn’t. Every word is really important to them. Sometimes they feel like they want to say everything and include every inside joke they’ve ever had with their friend.

So, what makes a good maid of honor speech or best man speech?

Kristine: Stick to a theme.

Marisa: I think of giving a wedding speech like telling a story. It should have a beginning, middle and end. It should all tie together. Keep it short. Everyone knows this as a guest at a wedding…but not always when it gets to be your turn to give a speech.

What makes a not-so-good speech?

Marisa: Inside jokes are the kiss of death. They’re not really funny to anyone else. You have to tell the whole story and it doesn’t really ever land but weirdly it’s the thing people gravitate towards. Don’t just think about the person you’re giving the speech to. It’s really for everyone in the room.

Kristine: Avoid inside jokes at all cost. We always say ‘it’s not a card.’ If you want to say all those things–write a card.

What would you say to someone who might balk at the idea of outsourcing something so personal?

Kristine: The goal is to alleviate any anxiety from writing or delivering a speech. We really want to give you that superstar moment. We joke that we want you drop the mic at the end. We want you to feel like Beyonce.

Marisa: It’s been so successful so far because it really feels like someone’s words parroted back at them. We figure out what their best story is and the best way to tell it. They truly are so personalized and intimate.

What do you charge for a maid of honor or best man speech?

Kristine: On the first phone call we decide together on the package. The price depends on the scope of work and there’s a rush fee if it’s under a week. Some people will say they already have a draft and just want us to make it better. Some people say they have absolutely no idea where to start.

Marisa: We really want it to be affordable especially with all the expenses that go into weddings.

What’s the best and worst part of having a side gig?

Kristine: The best part is it’s a creative outlet–[you get to] do something else you’re deeply passionate about.

Marisa: The worst is it often feels like they’re aren’t enough hours of the day.

Kristine: And drinking more espressos.

What are your tips for other women starting a business or passion project?

Kristine: Use the 3 a.m. benchmark. If this is something you wouldn’t mind working on or thinking about at three in the morning that could be a very real possibility. It goes against Speechtank’s best practices to use cliches but in this case it’s appropriate: you have to love what you’re doing.

Main image credit: Tory Rust (photography)

Social image credit: It’s Julien

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