Cheers, my dear! Advice for the perfect wedding toast.
A MOB (Mother of the Bride) was asking lots of questions about wedding toasts on a phone consult recently. “Who gives the speeches? How long should they be? Where should they be in the timeline?” We chatted about all things wedding toast-y and then she said “You should blog about this! It would be so helpful.” Well, I love to help, and for my own, somewhat selfish wedding filmmaker needs, here goes. Wedding Speech tips and tricks!
We begin with a recent wedding highlight. Danielle and Neel had a gorgeous wedding at the Ritz-Carlton Dove Mountain last fall. Each one of the speeches helped to tell the story of D+N, and you can tell they were thought out, well written and sincerely given. Danielle and Neel met in a Hip-hop dance class, and between their EPIC first dance and celebratory fireworks, this wedding film had A LOT going for it. I still think the toasts (and the vows) are the stars.
Here are a few ideas on choosing “toasters”, writing and giving a great wedding speech.
-To the Happy Couple: ASK who in your wedding party wants to give a speech. It doesn’t have to be the Best Man and the Maid of Honor. Some people are great writers AND public speakers, some are neither…you know these people well, they have been there through ALL the times. Reach out and you will find someone ready, willing and able to create and deliver that funny, kind, poignant toast.
-To the “Toasters”– Keep it tight. Your speech should be five minutes or less. People only listen to the first two minutes and the last two minutes, so make those count. You have a minute in the middle to tell us how drunk you all used to get in college, which is fine because no one is listening at that point. Open with something funny and close with something sweet.
–Try to memorize as much of the speech as you can, but please use NOTECARDS!!! No iPhones, no iPads, no shaky pieces of white paper that get out of order and then fall to the floor. If I had my way, we would have a podium with a microphone so that all ‘toasters’ had to stay in one place. You know, where I have set up good lighting, a great background, everyone can see and hear you? That’s what they do in the UK, and I have to say “Rule Brittania!”
-Stay in one place. Remember my podium idea? This is why! Women never pace, they stay still, probably because of high heels and the risk of falling. But you guys, wow, do some of you like to move! I get it, those rented tux shoes hurt and you’re nervous. Practicing your speech, notecards, and maybe drinking just enough to get you through it are keys to quelling the anxiety.
-“For those of you who don’t know me” Please do not say this. Introduce yourself, and tell us your relationship to the newlyweds. “Hi everyone, I’m Stepheny, and I have been the light of Dennis’s life since he was born, or maybe just a source of tween embarrassment when I told him that performing “The Robot” at his first middle school dance would make him incredibly popular-it did not.”
-Inside jokes:Not today, Satan! They are ‘inside’ jokes for a reason. Only a select few will understand, and find it funny. Everyone is listening, so make sure to include them.
-Be original! Don’t google wedding speeches, and use them verbatim. There are a few cringe-worthy toasts that make the rounds, and I die a little inside every time I am witness to them. “Groom, place your hand on top of the Bride’s hand. There you have it folks, that’s the last time he will ever have the upper hand.” No, just please no. I’m not giving more examples, but please, be sincere, be succinct and be YOU.
-You might get choked up, and that’s okay. Take a breath, clench your butt cheeks (seriously, this will dry up the tears, it gives your body something else to focus on for a second, so you can pull it together) and keep going. You’ve got this!
-This is for the Dads/Parents out there. Please don’t mention where everyone is from. Thank them for coming, and if you have a particularly exotic location, like the Space Station, go ahead and give a shout-out. Don’t list all of your child’s accomplishments, unless it figures in directly with how the happy couple met, or fell in love. That university soccer championship, or that JD from Yale is not why everyone is celebrating. Tell them something they don’t know, and resist the slide show with commentary.
-Toasts and Speeches should happen pre and post the wedding meal. Have a welcome toast just before eating (parents and/or newlyweds) and the rest after. We try to get reaction shots during the toasts, and obviously we cannot when people are putting food into their faces. Yikes.
-Hold the microphone just under your chin. They are not meant to work from your waist, and definitely not from below there. Enough said. On and speaking of microphones, NO OPEN MICS!!!!!!! People who shouldn’t be speaking will, and vice-versa. It also eats up valuable dancing, drinking and mingling time.
-Every speech should have a beginning, a middle and an end. Take us on a journey. Open with a laugh and end with a few joyful tears. The happy couple will thank you, as will a very happy filmmaker.
Listen to this wedding highlight for some of the best speeches ever, and great vows too! I might be a bit biased, as this is my younger brother Chad’s wedding to his ahhmazing husband Michael, but the bar was set HIGH for these “toasters”. Chad’s niece (my daughter Alexa, who is a great writer, performer, and may have heard a toast or two from the time she was In Utero) starts us off strong, and Lori bookends the finish as they both speak about these amazing souls who, even when the table, or the chapel in this case, is full, there is always room for more good, kind-hearted people.
We laughed, we cried, we danced the night away, and we captured it all, in sight and sound. This is what I do, lucky me!!
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